Me Vs Me

Wrote this a long time ago, I was reading my collection of poems over the past few years and I struck this gem, again, not explaining, but it's a nice reminder.

___________

It's been a while
Still you're striking me subconsciously
I thought you were gone
Yet the thoughts poison my brain

Left me staring at an empty box
Just knowing i'll be pushed down to that low level again
That level where i'm not returning
That level where I turn myself to nothing.

Can't you just leave me be?
Whenever I turn a corner a thought is there
Just dangling in front of my face
You are a demon.

You found me
You took bits of me
You tore them apart
I hate you.

The day I see you
That lucky day
Even you know
That something bad will happen.

You linger in my head
You linger on this screen
You linger within this text
You linger wherever I go.

I know you're just smiling
An insult to everything
I know you're happy
While i'm not.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A polar opposite occurs
I lay here in awe
Letting the warmth of my sheets
Drown me in happyness

I'm left smiling here
I'm left happy
I'm left wallowing in joy
I'm left being me

Every thought
Fills my heart with warmth
Even when my days
Are pitch black

The days that i'm left
Could be the darkest of them all
I'm left
Laying in cynicism

I've dug a hole
Inside my mind
I crawl up
and wither inside

You linger in my thoughts
You linger in my heart
You linger in my darkest hours
You linger in me

You make me smile
You make me laugh
But...
It turns out the same way.

Over
And
Over
Again.