wings

Give me wings
that perish and slowly die
for I wish to know how it feels
to fly
before I fall, wither
and cry

Moral compass

Moral compass heading south
What do you do,
when you can't turn around?

Do we keep walking south
because in this spherical world,
if I walk in that direction long enough,
I'll end up north...
where I should be.

Married to my freedom

I'm married to my freedom
I divorced devotion
I'm in a strong relationship with my vices
I've violently broken up with my virtues
I've cried tears over my happiness
I've shouted in ecstasy over my melancholy
I yelled at my joy
I have consoled my pain
I held the strength in my arms as it withered away
I let the weakness pry itself from my hands
I've let the doubt keep my heart beating
And I've let the confidence keep it at bay
Insecurity kept all of its belongings
Security stole everything from me
I'm married to my freedom,
please don't ever go away.

I've extended the deadline, then I can no longer flee
I turn to the liquid for solace but that can't even save me

Untitled

I have been absolved
of any
rationality that
may aid me
in postulating
conclusions

Untitled

"Another night, another dream wasted on you"
Another night, another thought, another truth
Another memory, another song, another proof...

Proof of my lacking, my inability, my instability
Because not again, this cannot happen, this insanity
No insecurity, just fears, manifestations and abnormalities

Warning

Warning: Exercise caution
Thoughts ahead,
Emotional exhaustion.

Untitled

We'll make promises that we will never keep
Promises that fleet and float away while we drift off to sleep
Promises that you will forget, that will disappear into space-time
But I don't know any more, where will the lost promises go

The things we said will be forgotten,
but the things we didn't say won't be
The fabric of the unsaid clothes us;
an item of clothing we may never see

The gestures, the way we moved our hands
The way they moulded to create a story,
a story that explained us, that explained everything
in conjunction with laughs and smiles.

Now please, do not worry
while I wait at the pier overlooking
the ocean and the architecture
I will remember, I will remember
and I hope you will too

ity

Don't you fucking see?
That this is the result of my insanity
Traced back to the subtle abnormality
Of all of this bullshit residing in me

Beauty

Let the cold wrap its arms around me
Let me feel its beauty, its intricacy
It's so intimate, yet so distant
So alone, yet not lonely

"Life is an ocean and it moves like this.
So you get what you ask for.
In love with the currents jerking from your hands
All you want, all you're after"

I'm distant yet I'm so close
Simultaneously alone and its antithesis
I'm right there yet I'm so far away
As this mental distance is comforting

The comfort of the cold singing me
to sleep with its sweet song in my ear.
My heart cries its solemn melody in
pure euphoria, yet it is so simple.

Failed?

But I've failed, you see
In my endeavor to succeed
While I lay fetally here, wallowing
In the quick, heavy sea of blue
While the simultaneous revolutions
And the universes intricacies astound and amaze me

Hmm

I still haven't told a soul,
Except the one buried in me
Replaying the moment, the instance
Of that time, of temporary insanity (on my part)

ind

I've worn out my body and mind
Filled myself with delusions blind
Can't you see what's really inside
When there's so much baggage left behind

Conclusion

Scream and scream and scream and shout
The pulses,
                      the thoughts fly about

But why
               must I abreact
In the manner that I have

While the masking
                               refuses to show
itself,
             wallowing in such disdain

There needs to be
                               conclusion

Free association

Is that what we all need?
A moment of abreaction
To achieve catharsis
An unconscious expulsion?
The unfulfilled wishes,
the inward destruction.
The manifestation,
a simple reduction
to discharge our insides
a self-induced seduction

Awakening - Yellowcard

Bottoms up tonight I drink to you and I

'cause with the morning comes the rest of my life

And with this empty glass I will break the past

'cause with the morning I can open my eyes

I want this to be my awakening


I give this one to you an anthem full of truth

I tell you now an epic tail of what you put me through

And even though you don't deserve one of your own

A melody a song about the life that you let go

I can't believe that I still care enough to write


Bottoms up tonight I drink to you and I

'cause with the morning comes the rest of my life

And with this empty glass I will break the past

'cause with the morning I can open my eyes

I want this to be my awakening


Yes I miss you still And probably always will

I'm living with a busted heart that I will have until

I find the streangth I know its somewhere in my bones

So pull the curtain up again and get on with this show

At least you know that I care enough to write


Bottoms up tonight I drink to you and I

'cause with the morning comes the rest of my life

And with this empty glass I will break the past

'cause with the morning I can open my eyes

And maybe I will see a different destiny

Like maybe knowing you at all was only a bad dream

I want this to be my awakening


No rest for the wicked they say

Forgive me if I try to change

No rest for the wicked they say

Forgive me if I try to change


Bottoms up tonight I drink to you and I

'cause with the morning comes the rest of my life

And with this empty glass I will break the past

'cause with the morning I can open my eyes

And maybe I will see a different destiny

Like maybe knowing you at all was only a bad dream

I want this to be my awakening

Blizzard

I'm shivering here, in the place of comfort
My spine tingles, heavy breaths shaking as I lay
Withering while waiting for, causes of my dismay
Wondering, keeping my stresses at bay
Staring at the ceiling, is this okay?
Waiting while my limbs twitch and contort

how

How is it so,
that humans are subjected
to such dissonant
violence
that churns the stomach
pondering the question as to why
because i do not understand
what gives people
the compulsion
to hurt others so.

Silence

Hearing silence pains much more than words ever could
Why does a lack of words affect us more than it should?
The absence of anything would
And I would change it if I could.

Reason

Here I am, lost in solitary

Desolated, isolated.

The only thing that

separates me from the outside

are petty blocks of wood.

It is so dark, so dark

that my eyes are accustomed

to it. I wait and wait

for something, anything

to give me a reason.

Just a reason.

Freezing

I sat there, breathing
My hands turned to frost
My mind numbed
The air was cold

Untitled

Just like a chain reaction,

It's set off, firing at the neurons

Triggering a multitude of responses

Twisting and colliding with each other

Evoking thoughts of large magnitudes

Exploding into thousands of pieces

Fragments of some meld into others

Sinking deeper and deeper

That these thoughts become abstract

Eventually one will,

Become reality

This is where I am

Surrounded by such balls of intelligence

With a tiny hint of elitist nature within

Seeps through the windows

Releasing a peculiar emotion

Within such walls, we find aspects of ourselves

We see scribbles of knowledge wherever we are

Thought-producing stimuli is everywhere

To breathe in the rich air

While my heart races

This is exactly where I am

Untitled

No matter the positive sensation,

The feeling of doubt, pervades all

It is a sneaky feeling, it creeps...

Creeps around waiting for my fall

It's almost my friend, right there.

Just laughing, smiling stealing my breaths of air

"I spoke the words but never gave a thought to what they call could mean"
Who knew that every single sentence in my vocabulary would crush all of me

Well sustained breathing, the thought enters while my mouth starts to move

They come out crumbled, shattered, broken while my head just laughs

The unspoken things just rotting until the stench is smelled by my own lungs

It's a beautiful carcinogen isn't it? The very essence of being breathed and sung

Ultimately it will all lead to an inevitability, a certainty, a truth that cannot be wronged

When the only enemy is yourself, springing towards something brighter while you bring the dark passenger along

I can't.

Waiting for the magical hour to strike

So I can ingest this liquid of life

While downing the precious pills

Waiting to achieve the temporary solitude

But the core manifests itself through the organism

I can't explain

I can't fucking explain

Uncertainty summons itself taunting,

Laughing and wandering

"But it's no different"

Such harsh truth

I can't explain

I can't fucking explain

I struggle to finish this stanza

As my thoughts are laid bare

I cannot speak another word

I can't.

Dear 1x

Dear thirteen year old me

If only you could see,

You would be very proud

of me.

Dear fourteen year old me

If only you could see,

You would be very proud

of me.

Dear fifteen year old me

If only you could see

everything about me

You can prepare yourself

for what will become of

me

Dear sixteen year old me

You can see

the frustration

the impatience

You can prepare yourself

for what will become of

me

Dear seventeen year old me

You haven't learned a thing have you

It's what you're turning into

You can prepare yourself

for what will become of

me

Dear eighteen year old me

Are you proud?
Can you see?
Shifting round and round

Can't you fucking see?

What you exactly need to be?

Because you are me

What a change of scenery

While the sun shines beautifully

While the rain pours heavily

Slamming doors angrily

Insomnia induced rapidly

Curling, weeping for humanity

When really,

The problem, you see...

Begins and ends inside me

The Silver Screen

There are movies that play inside

my head

The lens faded, the picture blurry, the

resolution minimised

But the audio track

is clear

in

my head

It speaks, oh it speaks!

The joyous occasion whereby the audio is filled with torment

wrecking the beautiful cognition...

A brutal transition

I hear, oh I hear!

It is externalised, it is self flagellation,

constantly engaging in destructive cognition...

A brutal transition

I profusely repeat my confession of guilt

Yelling at the silver screen

When the blurry film stops and the audio turns quiet

It is empty..

All that is left

is me

The metaphysical organs

The sun shone on the simplicity while our heads were in the clouds
We shared the scent of the breeze while thoughts never brought us down
Basking in the moment, splitting the time into two
The internal clock ticking slowly while the external stayed true
A comfortable silence brew and broke my soul to pieces
A rush of blood through my veins made my heart sound beaten
The gasp of air was only temporary but struck my body down
The pulse was vehement and quick, disjointed my vision
With pure precision I felt I was going to drown
For I can breathe again, only for a moment... A single space in time
Only when I wake myself, resuming the organ which is mine

Sometimes

Sometimes.

Just sometimes.

Deep breaths

Heavy heads

Flailing in the red

Racing to bed

Sleeping dead

Echoes in my ear drums

Echoes of voices speak

Words repeat themselves in my canals

Anxiety levels rise

My body is an empty hallway

Heavy eyes, heavy head, heavy heart

Iron lungs, silicon nose and plastic ears

The doors swing open

Everything clangs together

It's noise piercing,

Ringing for days

December - Lydia

<3 <3 <3 <3 this band so much. Was so lucky to see this live.

________

So it was four or five of everything, as you are no good.

I saw it through the frame and through my face.

Covering my eyes, because we are nothing,

And never quite the same from a black and white summer.

With photographs that showed our rails and razorblades.

I think it cured my pain, again

Promise you will go down my neck.

Just like those pills and your cigarette

So as my fingers curl,

I move my lips just so you wont have to.

Damnit you clever girl,

Your style is keeping us from sleep.

It's one more and I'm free,

Oh we've been so lucky,

Yeah we've been so likely to lose.

So give in, let's give in

It's all suicide if I hide.

Because you are everywhere I look and in my skin.

I taste your neck and lips just from breathing in.

Let's call it off kid.

But through the window you reach for the cold.

But the door is so much closer,

And the sun has sold itself to the land

And all over my skin. No! No!

Stop it, stop him

So what, so what, we all were all afraid.

So this I swear I know, it's not the chemicals.

You are off my mind I finally got away.

You said it's such a life to remember,

So come on, and we'll sleep away December.

It was you, bringing your white company.

Bringing the night so it seemed.

And we will never sleep again.

So as you walk through the door,

And yell I'm never coming back here.

It's over we are still nothing.

Three

Nearing three
Close to sleep
Crawling deep
Music steep
Thoughts weep
Text is cheap
The feelings seep
The heart beats
Let my breaths free
Time passes, I see
That it is now past three